You should know better.

Year End Update

2009-12-31T17:14:36Z

11 posts this year, counting this one. And that's after I gave myself such a hard time about not posting enough last year.
Much has happened, but time is short and a highlight reel will have to suffice.

On August 8th I lost the sense of taste on the left side of my tongue. 3 days later I started having balance problems and a few days after that reading became very difficult. The doctors I went to found nothing wrong with me and, after a bit of a runaround, I've been referred to a neurologist at a clinic so that I can get an MRI done on the cheap. My appointment for the clinic is in early February 2010. I was referred in early September 2009. To me, this seems a long wait for what they think may be a brain problem.
At this point my balance and vision are back to normal, but still no change in taste. Oh yeah, I also can't smell anything anymore, but that might just be sinus problems because of our funky heater.

I spent September 6th-13th in California with Cleo, Zach, and Phillip. It was my first trip back since 1998. Over 10 years since seeing the homeland! That's kind of ridiculous. Good times, great memories, awesome food. Family is still fighting like always. Now that I've been back and seen everything first hand, not just through a haze of nostalgia, I can say that yes I do want to move back as soon as possible. It will always be the best coast.

It's about time to renew the lease on this place and I'm putting off calling the landlady because I hate speaking to her. We were really hoping to get out of here and head somewhere far away or, failing that, somewhere closer to everyone we know. The apartment above Allin and Brandy, Auburn, New Orleans, Orlando...these have all been considered. Some day I will be not poor?

And now that I finally start typing things up, I can't remember what all I wanted to remind my future self of. Always happens.
Hey G.J.! Keep cooking! Even without full tasting ability, your food is still better than most. And keep being awesome in general.

Twice in a week.

2009-07-26T16:37:27Z

Grey skies and tall, crumbling buildings. Streets shaking from what seemed to be a series of earthquakes. Air that tasted like aluminum and was far too humid for the area, although I don't know where it was.

People running everywhere, hiding in the broken shops, some hiding silently while others never stopped yelling. Mushroom clouds could be seen scattered across the horizon. Something huge, over 100 stories tall, was wandering aimlessly, stepping on or through whatever was in it's way. Only one of them was visible, but everyone was aware that there were many more to come. It was bipedal, almost completely grey except for patches of black fur near the head, and had feet like a cross between those of an elephant and a horse. Horns like an impalas angeled forward and up from it's temples, and changed from grey to dark red to bright orange near the tip.

Children riding a roped together train of bikes and trikes, dragging a toy dog that barked and yipped as though it's batteries were running down and it had maybe been dropped a few too many times. They were alternately used as bait to lead the giants, or as an offering to be cut loose and left behind. And they were all led by wild-eyed, smiling matrons who looked as though they thought this was the absolute right thing to be doing.

I dreamed last night of the End Time.

An Extravagant Display of Nonchalance

2009-07-11T16:59:51Z

Steak burritos are great, Bruno is very funny, personal size wine boxes are ingenious, Crisis Core is incredible.

Since I don't go to bed before 4 AM most nights, I've taken to napping pretty much any time I sit still for more than 5 minutes. Da Vinci did something like that, so maybe I'll become a super genius.

Finally got some pork casings, so soon it will be time for making linguica. Prepare your mouths for my tastey sausage exposion!

Going through my photo boxen again. Looking for the best for The Old You. My big problem is that even though I interact with so many people, I end up with hundreds of pictures of the same half dozen or so. That just seems odd and somehow wrong.

Paul Walker Texas Ranger

2009-05-13T09:11:24Z

That weekly posting didn't last long.

An hour later: Just got back from the gym. Now that Cleo and I are working out, I remember how good it feels to exercise.

This morning: Went to see the new Star Trek with Cleo, Gavin, and Helen. Awesome! There is no good reason to dislike this movie. Even Star Wars elitists should be able to find the goodness here.

Last weekend: Went to the art walk thing. It was very strange to be downtown because I kept seeing people I hadn't seen in years, some even since the Brew Pub closed down. Jason is driving a taco truck! Angie told me about a new arcade opening up down there. Melani was drunk and may not have remembered my name, but seemed happy to see me anyway. Waltor had his art up in Samurai J and hopefully now he doesn't still think I hate him.

Two weekends ago: Kids in the Hall themed Ladies Night. Zach was Daddy from "Daddy Drank," a role he's been slipping in and out of for months. Cleo maybe even a better Cabbage Head than Brucio. Gavin and Rick both came as Gavin and it was odd to see such very different people doing the exact same thing. I was Gavin's dad and I ended up passed out in a kitchen chair wearing nothing but underwear and a Twister mat. I may crash early, but I stayed in character.

In two days: I will have a three day weekend. I don't know what to do with myself. Conan on Saturday morning. Dunno if there's going to be a gathering this weekend as Cleo will be at a wedding in Atlanta, and it's hardly a Ladies Night with no Lady of the House. But who knows...maybe something...idunno. Anyone even care any more?

Someone has written one this stone, in some angry hand, "Hope rides alone!"

2009-04-17T09:24:47Z

Saturday is of course the Night for Ladies. This particular weekend will be Pirate Night Redux. Anyone remember a couple years ago when we all rocked out and got silly in a salty seafarer fashion? And I ended up lying on a mattress outside that someone then set fire to? Yeah we're doing that again. Except maybe try not to burn my shit down this time.

Hard to bring myself to do weekly updates when I keep doing the same stuff all the time. Work, sleep, eat, drink. I should signify a particular time as my spring break so I'll feel obligated to do something different.

Stevin sent me mass quantities of Red Lobster gift certificates. Best estranged wife ever. Cleo and I ate heartily and I remembered that I can cook MUCH better than any Darden restaurant could ever hope for. Ended up buying some skrimps and proving that for the next 2 days.
All I'm sayin is, anyone needs a shrimp chef, I'm your man.

2 shots of whiskey is a good way to end the night. Failing that, 7 beer will do.

2 blurry days.

2009-03-30T07:40:41Z

Thanks to the kindness of strangers (birthday dollar scam FTW) I've been drunk for pretty much the whole weekend. Followed Cleo's suggestion to call in sick and spent today drinking Wild Turkey and cooking fried chicken. Commissioners Recipe.

Getting warm out there. Damn near time to head back to the ocean. Zangief may not last much longer, as I think the tan lines on my face would be too goofy even for me.

Everyone else has fun. Maybe I should too?

Goodbye Alyson. I hope you had a decent last party. Be well in New Orleans. You are already missed.

Today will be a grown up day. Working 12-5, finally doing taxes, searching for my marriage certificate, putting Hayden in a headlock until she gets me the papers I need to get divorced.

I'm sorry it's taking me so very long Stevin. I am an asshole. I have no excuse.

phedisch @ 2009-03-28T01:55:00

2009-03-28T07:00:17Z

Do you know Alyson Gamble? Are you on friendly terms with her? Would you like to see her before she moves away and is gone forever?
Then come on over to my house tonight (that would be Saturday) and show some appreciation for your favorite librarian. Food and shelter from the storms will be provided.

Just get here and get drunk and tell her you love her.

I am the wild blue yonder.

2009-03-10T23:39:27Z

For the past 2 days I've been bored by everything. Then I end up just sitting around thinking about money and how I need it and blah blah lameness. And the lameness is boring. So it's time to just move on and maybe get outside or something. Or play video games. SOMETHING.

Saturday is the Return of Ladies' Night as well as Pi(e) Day. People should come over for one or the other, maybe both. Cleo and Gavin both have working phones if you need to contact anyone.
I make no promises of entertainment other than some eats. Is that not enough for you people?!

Listening to Claire's music on the Facebook makes for a happy GJ.

We can yell, we can sing, and we may not change a thing.

2009-02-16T17:30:08Z

Many house parties and such lately. Good times, nice to see people more often, better than sitting around the house all day every day.
Only real downside is that I keep renting games and then barely playing them. At least they're free!

About 80% of my discretionary income is spent on food. I'm always hungry/thirsty. Eat until I'm so full that I hurt and then I'm wanting to eat again 30 minutes later. I know that can't be good for me.
On a related note, I need to prepare myself for another summer full of beach time. Some kind of no effort, high result workout that doesn't affect the rest of my schedule at all.

I think I may just throw away half the stuff in my room. Otherwise it'll just sit in boxes until I move again. Must resist urge to hoard!

The Ugly American gives me hope. That'd be the band, not the movie or song. If they can do it, we can do it.

And here he is, the star of our show, direct from the bar...

2009-02-04T00:14:51Z

1. All of my scars are from animals or cooking.

2. If given the slightest opportunity to procrastinate, I'll put things off as long as possible. But I won't purposely leave things undone for other people to do later.

3. As a child I was obsessed with the numbers 2, 4, 5, and 8. Even these days I catch myself tapping, blinking or mouse clicking, absent-mindedly trying to make my actions meet a certain value.

4. I can watch Ghostbusters dozens of times and each time I'll be surprised at how much I love it. FLCL works in a similar way, to a lesser extent.

5. I have an irrational fear of knives. Being a cook for a couple years helped deal with that.

6. On a scale from "Easy" to "Hard To Get" I apparently rank "chickenshit."

7. I consider myself a hi-fi-polyphonic megasexual.

8. One of the 3 best presents I've ever received is the ukelele that I'm currently trying to teach myself to play.

9. I have almost no idea what I look like at any given time. I've memorized my hair color, eye color, number of digits , eyes and ears. But beyond that I really have trouble picturing me.

10. My mom says I'm quite a catch.

11. I didn't start drinking until I was 23 and have never used recreational drugs.

12. Will and Cleo once brought me a toy ankylosaur for my birthday, having no idea that those are my favorite dinosaurs.

13. There is no place I would rather be than the sea.

14. If you're reading this, there's a good chance that I love you.

15. Sublime is my favorite band of all time, even though I almost never listen to them any more.

16. I can sleep anywhere. In bed, on the floor, sitting in a chair, on a roof, standing in the shower, while playing video games, at a concert...anywhere.

17. I usually dream in a 3rd person view.

18. Measurements (especially of time) have an absolute value. A second is a second and no one can change it's duration. Do not try to convince me otherwise. I will fight you.

19. It's not how I dress that makes me look like a hobo, it's the way I move.

20. My family once had 17 cats (including 4 newborn kittens) all living inside at once. All of our pets are inside only.

21. I've been playing video games since I got an Atari 2600 for my birthday in 1984. I've probably spent enough money on games, systems, and peripherals to buy a house. There should be an achievement for that.

22. I've never shoplifted anything. As a mass consumer, I hate the idea of people just taking things that I work to be able to buy.

23. For almost 6 years I've wanted more tattoos. I still haven't started saving for it.

24. I specialize in Poor Italian, Southern Comfort Food, and Leftover Cuisine.

25. I wish I could purr.

Can't keep my eyes closed. Sunny all the time.

2009-02-01T10:28:34Z

I posted in this journal 18 times in 2008. A whole year with not even 2 things worth saying, per month, on average. Add to that the fact that I habitually check for other peoples updates, at least twice a day if I have access to a computer. Almost seems like a waste of a journal.
The goal this year is to post at least once a week. And I've already missed all of January so I guess I'll have to make up for those 4 throughout the year.

Been planning to post this since before the change of the year. And now all there is to say is that I'm jealous of Genevieve's ability to gather people. Even if a party is lame (this previous evening was actually pretty enjoyable), even if there is no planned entertainment, a huge crowd is almost guaranteed. I will never have that power.

I suppose that means I have a second flaw. Let's hope this doesn't lead to the discovery of others.

Side B

2008-12-29T11:41:33Z

No matter how bad things get, we keep managing to come out on top.

Cleo has found a 3 bedroom house for us +1, with that 1 being Gavin. Never had a single problem
the last time we lived with him so hopes are high. Rent will be slightly cheaper, neighbors will
be more than a wall/floor away, and it's only about half a mile further from work. Partei der
Hauserwärmung is to be expected.

Still in line for an upgrade to shift manager, just got to get rid of 1 more guy before it
becomes official. Then I'm only 4 steps away from being the new CEO of Blockbuster. By my
calculations, I should make it to the top by the middle of April.

Alice and her Adam came down for a night and we had good times. Got to see people we rarely do
like Sydney, Courtney and (a slightly less rare but still missed) Switch. An evening of eating,
drinking, gaming, and yo-yoing. Much luck to them with the married times!

As soon as debt is all cleared away I think it's time to invest in some old suits and fresh ink.
And perhaps even a scooter. A 1964 Vespa 180 Super Sport maybe? Some day.

This is me rocking out.

Side A

2008-12-29T11:40:21Z

Generally annoyed with everything. In the same place, doing the same things, seeing the same
people. Hardly ever have money, but there's not anything to do even if I did.

For Xmas I got a bottle of Crown Royal from my dad. This is about a month after having a serious
talk with him (the first time we really talked in a few months) where I mentioned my maybe having
a potential problem. He also brought a turkey that tasted like ham.

Going back into reclusive mode is a comfortable bummer. Not having to see annoying people is
great. But I also don't get to see the couple people whose interaction I crave on some deep down
level. I don't want to go anywhere and sitting around the house all the time makes me feel gross.

Tired of trying to be friends with people who don't reciprocate interest. If you go through the
trouble of reminding me that we have plans, it would just make sense to answer your phone the
next day when we're supposed to do things.

This is me giving up.

To whom it may concern,

2008-11-28T14:08:35Z

I'm sorry.

phedisch @ 2008-11-02T04:06:00

2008-11-02T10:11:08Z

Sometimes I don't feel so good.
Angry, sad, tired, confused.
Out of control.

So I go into my room.
I put on some music.
I put on a suit and tie.
I come out singing.

And I get on with it.

A loss that is hard to enumerate.

2008-09-18T08:47:46Z

A few days ago I was told that Joey, the man that taught me how to properly cook, had been in a bad car wreck and was in ICU.
Yesterday I was told that he died.
I have no idea who to give my condolences to. I don't know any of his family. I only know his friends from the people we worked together with. At best I could maybe go downtown and try to find people he knew so I could tell them that I'm sorry for our communal loss.
He showed me the ropes of the only thing I've ever really wanted to do. He made me his sous chef because no one else was qualified. It's hard to believe that someone I haven't spoken to in 2 and a half years is gone.

I miss you Joey.

phedisch @ 2008-09-07T04:54:00

2008-09-07T09:57:45Z

Nothing much to say. Not doing anything really notable. Just kind of making it day to day, working to live, going through the motions. Rut, rut, rut.

It is the birthday season. Happiness to all!

Some day something drastic will happen and everything will change. Again.

Everything I wanna do has already been done.

2008-08-10T10:49:44Z

First:
After a great Ladies Night, I received a note on the door. Apparently there were multiple complaints about noise and "the disturbance spread to the hallway and parking lot areas." If any more complaints are made, we get kicked out. This means we're gonna have to take a break from the weekly big gatherings. As much fun as this was, that's the end of Ladies Night as we know it. Not a bad way to go out.

Second:
I have many musical instruments. Most of them are broken. I have no idea how to play the few that actually work. I keep hoping to find a DVD or something to teach me to play guitar or keyboard. Haven't found one yet, at least not one that I think would be any good. So I guess I'm going to keep punching that bucket and yelling off key until I somehow learn via osmosis.

Third:
I meant everything I said. Even if I laughed it off. Even if I said to forget about it.

Let me explain...no there is too much. Let me sum up.

2008-08-05T03:41:46Z

Been cooking. Been Ladiesnighting. Been drinking too much, too often.
Back to having no car as I have no money for towing or a new starter. That makes 2 large, useless pieces of metal in front of the apartment.
Had a birthday. Didn't do much. Was nice for the most part.
My dad is being a complete shit about selling me back my car or giving me Zach's rent money for the month that he has stayed here. Really don't know what to do about all that.
Played a show last Sunday. Road gig. Mayday Park. Got a $20 gas card. Punched a bucket for about 15 minutes. It's still a fucking road gig.
I miss having big dogs around.
Sometimes my hair makes me look like Nobleheart Horse.
Wasting a summer mostly indoors.
Think I'ma ride my bike up to the bank tonight.

Satan, Satan, lend me a dollar.

2008-07-12T19:39:45Z

I had a dream this morning that I had a check for $30. I was super excited to find it in my bag because I was going to get another 30 selling plasma today. Then I'd get to the plasma center again before payday for a grand total of $90! Fuck yeah!
But I remembered that Cleo has the car so I can't go today, but that was cool because I'd just go tomorrow and, I dunno, maybe Wednesday. But, no, I work Wednesday and Thursday morning shifts so that's not gonna happen. Oh well, At least I'll have $60 extra so I can maybe pay a bill and get some foodstuffs.
Then I woke up and immediately realized that no, I do not have $30. So I will not be paying all my bills. Again. And I will be eating a Slim Jim for lunch. And I really need to go take that application to the liquor store.

Dammit. Someone drank the last beer.
What's worse is that it was probably me last night.

Cougar Terror / "I wouldn't take a dump in the Olive Garden."

2008-07-02T18:35:52Z

I've started selling my body to make ends meet. I usually end up spending it all to entertain guests on Ladies Night. Food, booze, and parties are important ends. Right?
On a related note, last week was the most successful Ladies Night so far. Assuming that you judge success by how angry boyfriends are when they call you the next day. And I do. I don't expect such good times every week, but it's nice to have semi-regular plans other than work.

Never got down to the sea. It is a sadness that must be remedied.

Everytime I come up with something to write down, it's half forgotten by the time I find a pen or computer.

Anybody know where a guy can get an accoustic bass like the mariachis play? A guitarron I think it's called. On the cheap?

Still not doing a whole lot in general.

Spent 30 minutes sitting here with no subject.

2008-06-23T10:29:29Z

Keep meaning to type stuff up. Never have much to say. Much work, some play.

Underground, electrified, screaming contest was awesome. Sitting outside with everyone was good old Hillsdale again. Nice to have it happen once more before it all gets demolished. I wish the music under the house could have continued, because I was having fun times.

Been downtown a couple times recently, never much to do. I won't pay a membership fee to get into a venue (even if it's only $1), so I guess that side of town is pretty much dead to me. I hardly know anyone working down there now and I don't want to relive the days of leaving Haley's after dawn.

Work is as good as ever. Low pay, low stress. Lots of time spent making myself laugh.

Ocean on Thursday? Let's hope. It's the only place I really want to go when I leave the house.

People I want to hang out with are hard to contact. But I'm very happy when it happens.

You went blue/You wouldn't move

2008-05-11T15:01:23Z

Hasn't been a whole lot of note lately. Working and sleeping. Drinking pretty much every day, which is probably not a good thing. It's amusing to read back through my journals to when I didn't drink. Things weren't better or worse then. It was all pretty much the same. Just proves my point.

Apparently I'm a full fledged member of the Dixie Cup Bible Club/Danger!Best Friends. You can tell because I'm listed on the myspace. It'd be awesome if I knew how to make music beyond punching a bucket.

Sometimes I get props for not putting knives to young girls throats. That's cool and whatevs, but shouldn't that just be expected? I figured that death threats were an exception to the norm. Or maybe the gratitude was for me having a supply of corndogs...I really don't remember.

Lazlow is the worst familiar ever. I wish I had been able to choose my own, instead of having it forced upon me. Every so often he starts frantically scratching at my door like there's something horribly wrong with the world out there. Turns out he's just pooped and wants me to cover it up. Not cool.

MSI tomorrow. Holy shit! Tomorrow? That kinda snuck up on me. I guess I should sleep in a proper bed tonight. Floors do not provide proper recovery.
Maybe my room just doesn't count as a save spot so my Tent won't work here. I dunno.

Too much time not at the ocean.

Sometimes when I hear my self laugh I think, "There's something wrong with that guy."

2008-04-24T14:23:31Z

I just woke up.
On the bathroom floor.
With my pants down.

For a second there I started giggling and wanted to end the post with just those 3 lines. Some kind of freeform, 4-5-4 bastardized haiku. But I would have felt like an asshole for it later. I hate freeform.

So yeah. Last night was nice. Mellow. At one point I yelled at a dwarf woman that "THIS IS MY HOUSE!" and she went across the hall to knock on the door of some other random stranger.

I just burped cola. Much better than the alternative.

I remember Heinz still being here. So there must have been something after that. He kept on about how he had to leave early. And the damn DS downloader program. I do kind of wish I had one, but I'm still very much opposed to emulators on some base level.

It's unnatural for me to feel this incredibly good at wakeup. I'm sure it's some short-lived madness and I'm going to start being miserable any time.

But for now, for this moment, I feel like a tiny god.

5 beer, 2 whiskey, double fillet o' fish, and a strawberry shake

2008-04-11T08:16:40Z

It goes slow.
No telling when we're going to move north. March has come and gone. Maybe in May? Things are limbo mode.
It is pool and beach season. I long for the ocean. My body craves saltwater submersion. This must happen often before the cold-ish season returns.
So bored.